How To Get Out Of Sex

When he's in the mood and you simply aren't, here are some tips for fending him off and getting out of sex.

Step 1:
Keep your wits about you
You're vulnerable from all sides, so stay alert. He will try various tricks to break down your defences. Flattery, emotional blackmail, or manipulating you with a primitive display of his wares. But make your feelings clear and be firm. No thresholds are being penetrated tonight, no matter how wriggly his tail is or shiny his chromosomes are.

Step 2:
Find an excuse
If he's still knocking on your membrane, then you need to come up with some killer lines to dampen his enthusiasm, such as:

I'm really tired, I've been travelling for hours…
It's the wrong time of the month
I'm already fertilised
I'm actually just on my way out
I've just fertilised myself thanks

or you could call his bluff.....
I'm at my most fertile- let's make some babies!

Step 3:
Turn him off
You may find he's still trying to navigate a way around your excuses. So turn yourself into an unappealing prospect, by
Dressing frumpily
Starting a row
or
Filling his mind with disturbing images

Step 4:
Alternatives
If your man is still set on crossing your channel, you'll have to use all your cunning to distract him.
Appeal to his competitive nature and start a game of I-Spy
Expend his energy with alternative physical activities
or invite some friends over for some polite conversation.

If after all this he's still on your case, just deck him.