Can Men and Women Be Friends?

Whether or not men and women can be contacts is not as plain as the minimal grill makes it sound. Because there are different kinds of men and women.

Best-selling novelist and narrator David Deida describes a spectrum of sexual energy from the manly on one segment to the female on the other. Deida says that all men and women have access to the satisfied spectrum of energy; that is, all of us could show to breathing more mannish energy, more womanly energy, or more balanced energy at any given time.

Nevertheless we each also have a given place on the spectrum--also more on the mannish surface, more on the womanly side, or close to balance--that is our rare person of "resting place." It's the native sexual energy that we are available to be expressing--and identifying with--usually. Deida calls this feature on the spectrum our "sexual essence." Most men (around 80%) have a more male sexual essence, and most women (around 80%) have a more female sexual essence.

All this is important in answering your quiz because the male in each of us has certain needs and ethics and the womanly has very different needs and standards. A man with mannish essence might have an open relationship with a lady who has a male sexual essence, but he would have a hard time having a stricly pleasant relationship with a woman who has a very female essence.

Because these manly and womanly energies guide the sexual attraction between us, and because these differences between the great manly and the excessive feminine are so profound--they want different gear, communicate in completely different customs, see effects completely differently, etc--it makes the kind of communication and sharing intricate in a friendship typeface of relationship very strenuous.

On the other hand, for men and women with balanced sexual essences, a friendship relationship is the most normal relationship for them. Because they are somewhat balanced in their sexual energy (evenly masculine and feminine) there is not the kind of disparity and misunderstanding that constantly takes place between the excessive masculine and the outermost feminine. Men and women with balanced essences tend to have admirable communication with one another, but they also do not have the kind of sexual fireworks that characterizes men and women with more ultimate sexual essences. People with genuinely balanced sexual essences just don't really fear that much about sex.

It's important to achieve that it's not better to have also a more intense sexual essence or a more balanced sexual essence. Just like it's not better to have chocolate eyes or sapphire eyes. It's just different, but the differences do make a big difference in our lives and it's something that we should all be conscious of, and take into account so that we won't be thrown into muddle by over-simplifications like: men and women should be able to be contacts or men and women can never be links.